Wikipedia sees sarcasm as "a bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter gibe or taunt". We are not here to explore definitions because our day to day mannerisms are replete with sarcasm, both consciously or unconsciously, with little time to reflect on the impact it has on the 'recipients.'
You see a woman with five daughters and no son, and instead of asking her after children, you mischievously ask her after her ' girls. ' You suddenly request a student in your class who stammers uncontrollably to pronounce  ten syllable words in quick succession, obviously to elicit laughter from watchers. When you always refer to the story of Abraham and Sarah when you are in the mist of childless women, what do you have in mind, be honest. The list is endless.

The way people take sarcastic statements varies from person to person,just as the reason for reeling out such statements varies from person to person. Some use sarcasm as a kind of joke! Joke? Many do so having in mind to genuinely hurt the person. While many get hurt, a few take it in their stride. Whichever, sarcasms are hurting, a type of, "expensive jokes"  no one takes pleasure in receiving. When you mock people, you are not sure if what awaits you is of a higher scale, for no one prays for misfortunes :they simply find their way in.

However, when someone sees you in the morning and asks you if you have woken up (when it is obvious), your decision to give such a person a sacarstic reply depends on your relationship with the person. For instance, if your friend sees you answer a call and suddenly asks,  "did you just speak with someone on phone?" and you tell him it was spirits that you spoke with, laughter settles it. But if it were your boss, you dare not. So, be careful. You have to realize that Africans are naturally sarcastic. Your roommate sees you stepping out of your house and asks "are you going out?"  Imagine you just swallowed a heap of tablets, and someone by the side asks, " are you sick? " as if you are swallowing sweets or perhaps there are drugs meant for people who are well. That is Africans for you, and no one can claim not to have used such. You see mangoes, oranges and pineapples on sale and you ask the seller, "are these fruits?"  No, they are trees. Funny enough, you take a girl out, break the bank for her, satisfy her material and emotional needs, and she asks you,  " do you love me? as if she would take no for an answer. My friend saw me sweeping and arranging my room and asked me if I was arranging my room. I told him I was scattering it, he took offence.

Sometimes, questions that sound sarcastic may not really be, especially in a classroom setting. Students can ask seemingly  'stupid questions'  out of ignorance, and it behoves of the teacher to give explicit answers, not deride such student. I once asked a teacher the opposite of driver since the opposite of drawer is drawee and she sarcastically answered, ' drivee. ' The whole class laughed at my ignorance. Till today, I have not forgiven that teacher!

So, be careful how you   'flex'  your sarcastic talent. It may land you in trouble someday. For creative writers, it could make a wonderful literary device. To the average user, be careful....

Chukwudi Anagbogu (08063305177)

I 

 

ITEM 7 (REFRESHMENTS)... HOW COME?
Chukwudi Anagbogu

From time immemorial, the use of 'item 7'  to refer to Refreshments has permeated nearly every individual in our society. Our parents grew up with it, and we are not left out, so are our children. This particular item is one every one looks forward to in every occasion, whether religious, academic or social. A lot of people intentionally attend feasts late, with the hope of skipping the first six items. They just want to breeze in just at the right time, when the 'sharimg'  is on. It is no longer a new spectacle where people, even supposed gentlemen and ladies scramble for food and drinks during occasions. We shall talk about that subsequently. But, while we devour our ' item sevens', have we ever taken time to imagine the mastery behind it?  Have you not noticed that with or without being the seventh item on the programme list, we still scream  "item 7", whenever we feel it was time for refreshments. Noticeably refreshments do not always fall on the seventh item. Sometimes it comes before or after.

There is no record of a definite date, reason, incident or occasion that gave rise to this, but it is understood to be centuries old (I stand to be corrected on this). Some are of the opinion that the use of item 7 to mean refreshments actually demonstrates the significance of the seventh day among Christians (the day God rested after creation). According to them, the seventh day is supposed to be a day for dinning and winning, and complete rest from work. Hmmm, what a theory. Thus, people are won't to place refreshments as the seventh item in any occasion, while exhausting the first six on the core issues surrounding such occasion, typical of the creation story. Trust Africans, we ascribe religion to virtually everything that happens to us.

It could equally be that in a bid to sustain the presence and attention of guests, refreshments is deliberately made a distant seventh item. Imagine a scenario when refreshments is made the second or third item. People would just eat and take their leave! But it is important to note that people don't even go through the programme schedule, so it is unlikely that they simply wait it out to the seventh item. What if the programme list exhausts at item five, or there is no specified item for refreshments? The fact remains that it has become a norm for guests to become agitated if after a certain period of time, there is no sign of bottles and plates. Funny enough, no host has been able to adequately satisfy all his guests.  There must be complaints. Some would drink ten bottles of beer while some would not even see one to drink!

Let's have your own opinion on the origin of  "item 7"